Dear Diary
by shiny-sparkles
Summary: Follow the diary of Hogwarts newest teenage lesbian, Annabella Rivers, as she faces the everyday problems of teenage life. WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. It's rated M for a reason, believe me.
1. Depression

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize...I only own Annabella Rivers.**

**A/N: Be warned, I didn't censor myself in this first chapter, as it's meant to be a really angsty chapter. I am sorry if this language offends you but I promise this is the worst language the Annabella uses. It will get better. if you must flame, then do so, but remember I did put a lot of time and effort into this story and I was feeling really down and depressed when I wrote this. Thank you for reading. Another chapter[with less swearing will be added tomorrow after I get home from prison...er I mean school. Hahaha. Happy reading!**

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**Depression**

Dear Diary,

Fuck this world, I've had enough. I hate my life and I feel miserable all the time. The screams ringing inside my head, the crashes replaying over and over again. I am so fucking sick of living I just want to find somewhere I belong. I want to find a place where there is no violence like there is in this house. My stomach hurts, I feel as though I'm going to be sick again. The bruises are forming on my pale stomach; I know that without even looking at my stomach. Emotions flood through me but I do not cry, knowing this will only anger my father further. He wouldn't like his only daughter showing signs of weakness. Even though he treats his car better then he treats me.

It was alright when I was helping him recuperate from his car accident on my own when I was fourteen and fifteen, but heaven forbid that I should have feelings for another woman. He has banned me from seeing my girlfriend, Lillianne, shortly after he found out. And when I say shortly I mean the second he found out. It's been nothing but abuse since then, Diary, and I feel like I don't matter to anyone anymore. I am spit upon wherever I go. Boys often press up against me and claim that they can change me; one even went so far as to attempt to rape me. I don't get why those prejudiced morons can't just accept me for who I am; and not which sex I prefer. Pfft, yeah like that's gonna happen. I feel so fucking depressed; I don't know what's wrong with me.

Don't fit in with anybody. My only mate Zach thinks it's because I look gothic, so therefore I must BE gothic. I whacked him round the head for that smartass comment; both he and I know the real reason behind all this resentment and hatred. Bloody hell, I hate living in a small town. I can't leave though, as I'm only sixteen. Fuck. Well this is just dandy aint it? I just want to be with Lillianne; Oh lord how I miss her. We've only been apart three weeks but it already feels like a year. I wonder if there's any way out of this mess. Ha, Somehow I don't fucking think so. I'm just a girl who is to sad to give a fuck.

Cliché for a teenager, I know, but it's so fucking true. But I'm so caught in this, I can't get out. What the hell should I do, Diary? Oh, fuck, I'm talking to an immobile piece of paper. Great, Bella, just great. You have finally lost the fucking plot. Great timing too, in the middle of a huge crisis. I am convinced that if you look up outcast in the dictionary and you'll see my picture. It kills me to look in the mirror anymore; I hate what I've become. Pale skin, heavy makeup and dark clothes. What a change from the good little girl I used to be.

I won't apologize for how I feel; it's like apologizing for being real and I simply refuse to do it. Fuck this world; I don't need any of those self-righteous bastards to get by. So long as I have Zach, I'll get by just fine on my own. If I say that enough, I may start to believe it. I have to go, Diary, a large, tawny owl is tapping on the window. I swear, if I'm imagining it, I'm going to commit myself to a mental asylum. I'll write once more tonight. ARGHH Damn bird, stop tapping, I'm fucking coming.

Annabella Rivers

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**Please Read and Review **

Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ♥Hands out virtual cookies♥ 


	2. Confusion

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize…I only wish I did. All I own is Akasha Tayman, Zachary James and Annabella Rivers.**

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**Dear Diary,**

This is so weird. The bloody annoying owl had a letter with some waxy stuff on the back of it that's now all over my fingers. I opened it and it said that I had been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I highly suspect this was Zach's doing, I'm gonna get that little bugger. But the letter seems so formal and the writing doesn't look like Zach's. Still, I'm gonna kill him. Anyway, Diary, The letter also says that I am required to have responded by July 31st and that a list of basic requirements is enclosed. The other list is sitting on my bed, I'll read it later.

They, I mean Zach, apologize for the delay. It's signed by- Who the hell is Minerva McGonagall? Okay, if this is a trick, it's a damn good one. Not even Zach is that inventive, and he once had me believing that my pen pal lived in Japan and his name was Akasha Tayman. It was really only Zach and I found him out after a month after I found all of my letters on his desk one day. I could have killed him for making me look like such a dickhead. Anyways (That's like my favorite saying right now) I'm going to ring him and tell him he didn't manage to fool me. Well, this time anyway. But first, I'm gonna go get me some orange juice. I'll write later tonight, Diary

**Annabella Rivers**

_Later That Night_

**Dear Diary,**

Okay so I went over to his house and talked to Zach, but he says he has no idea what I'm talking about. I showed him the letter and his eyes like totally popped out of his head. He held up a letter he had gotten earlier that day. It was like totally the same as mine, except for it had his name on it. We both wrote back to Minerva – Snort, Minerva, who calls their kid that? – And now Zach is, like, lying on my bed holding his beer bottle up and singing. He's totally pissed, I can tell. We're both waiting for responses but my dad is out with his mates and my mum is on the piss.

She seems to constantly drink ever since she found out about Lillianne. Zach asked for lemonade and mum gave him vodka, totally avoiding eye contact with me. Pfft, as if I care. I bet this is all some stupid hoax cooked up by Ally-Anne James. She has the worst sense of humor in school. Hey look it's a tap-dancing chicken. Sorry that was Zach. Grrr. He so pisses me off sometimes. He's running around my small bedroom singing "We Are the Champions" at the top of his voice. He looks like an idiot. Arghh that damn owl is back again. If it doesn't have the responses I'm gonna introduce it Colonel Sanders.

**Annabella Rivers**

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**Please Read and Review**

**Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ****♥****Hands out virtual cookies****♥**


	3. 1:00 am

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize…I only wish I did. All I own is Zachary James and Annabella Rivers.**

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**Dear Diary,**

Okay that bloody annoying owl returned both of our responses and I really don't think this is a joke anymore. Zach is still as pissed as a leprechaun on St Patrick's day so I haven't show him it yet; Last time I showed him my English assignment when he was this drunk he somehow managed to slur out "What a beautiful picture" before ripping it up and saying something that sounded oddly like "Snow". The paper went absolutely everywhere and Zach just muttered "This is what I get for dreaming of a white Christmas" I could have killed him, but I settled for a kick to the shins.

But enough about that, the new letter says that Albus Dumbledore – What the fuck? – Will be coming to show us around Diagon Alley – Once again, what the fuck? – Tomorrow. Great, just great. Zach had better have sobered up by then. I have no idea what I'm gonna do if he isn't. Prop him over a toilet I suppose, so he can get the alcohol out of his system. The least I can do, I suppose. If I really have been accepted into this school and this isn't just some big joke, then what? What will happen then? I mean, this is like a whole new chance for me.

I showed mum the letter before but all she said was "Don't fuck it up this time by telling them you're a dyke" Loving words from a loving parent. I get that a lot. Oh well, I'll live with it I suppose. Anyways I read that other letter but all it said was "Every student must be equipped with: 1 Standard size 2 pewter cauldron, and may bring if they desire either an owl, cat or a toad" Hmm so much for my pet snow leopard named spot. Hahahaha nah I'm only kidding.

But I still don't get this. Me, Annabella Rivers, magical? Yeah right, somehow I think they've gotten the wrong girl. I can't even cook 2 minute noodles let alone brew a potion. Oh man, all this thinking is hurting my head. I wonder if Zach and I will be in the same classes. I had better go, Diary, I think Zach may be sobering up and I don't want him to puke all over my bed. Or my floor. Or anywhere else for that matter. Not after last time.

**Annabella Rivers**

_Later That Night_

**Dear Diary,**

Two hours later and Zach is still leaning over the toilet. It's like one in the morning and mum's gone out. Probably to buy some more vodka after Zach downed her last bottle. Arghh, now I feel sick from listening to Zach chuck up. Bloody hell. He's only got another seven hours to stop chucking up and get dressed before that Albus guy gets here. This oughta be good. I'm gonna be sitting on my bed pissing myself laughing. Anyways I reckon that this is just way too whacked out.

If I told anyone they'd think I was smoking crack. Not that they don't think that already, but I do have a least a shred of dignity left to my name. Only one shred, but still it's something. Anyway I have unexpectedly found myself looking forward to this. I mean, this is a new chance in a world that doesn't see me as just a dyke. Who wouldn't want that? Nobody, that's who. Not even someone as stubborn as me. Well, Diary, I'd better go. Zach is calling for me and I have a feeling he's really sick now. I'll try to write later if I don't crash on my bed first.

**Annabella Rivers**

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**Please Read and Review**

**Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ****♥****Hands out virtual cookies****♥**


	4. Albus, The Train Ride and Zach With Food

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize****…I only wish I did but all I own is Annabella Rivers and Zachary James.**

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**Dear Diary,**

Okay so it's now like….10:09 a.m. and I am EXHAUSTED. That Albus guy came and to be honest, I think he's a bit screw loose. Zach liked him but I'm a little wary. After all, the guy was wearing a DRESS! That is just not normal. But anyways he did show us some pretty cool stuff. Like this place known as Diagon Alley. Trust me, it's awesome! There are all these shops in which you can buy potion ingredients – Gross -, Broomsticks, wands, books, you name it. Zach nearly wet himself with joy. Took all my self-control not to ask if we could get vodka here. No tequila either, apparently. Albus was saying something like he was the head of the school and that we would be going to Hogwarts first thing tomorrow morning.

This should be fun. I mean I get a whole new chance to live my life without people telling me what to do and how to do it. I could totally build another identity completely. Hmmm, this gives me an idea. Zach managed to sober up in time but he still had a bit of a headache. Serves him right for drinking his vodka and most of mine. Fucking hell, I think I may be adopted. When we went to the bank –Gringotts, or something- Albus said my parents had left a vault of gold for me when I finally came to Hogwarts. I mean, if my parents had left me gold, why didn't they tell me about it?

Maybe they aren't my real parents. I really don't see how THAT is a loss. They don't like me anyway, I can tell. Well, I suppose they were when I was little but I've changed so much since then. Gone are the glittery pink dresses and the flowing hair. My hair is still long, but now dead straight and ebony. My dress sense mainly consists of Black Tee's and shorts. Yeah, real glamorous if that's your thing. Ha, I can tell you it's not my parent's cup of tea. They hate my dress sense. They hate my looks. They hate my sexuality. Basically, they hate me. It may sound unbelievable but it's true.

We're on the train now and I am so amazed that I got through that brick wall without breaking something. Must be something to do with the enchantment. Hahahaha you should see the look on Zach's face. He's discovered the food trolley and he's down on his knees in front of the lady who runs it praising her and yelling "Hallelujah" Poor woman looks scared -. Sorry some bushy-headed young girl calling herself Hermione told me that the train will be pulling into Hogwarts shortly and that I should dress in my robes. And get Zach off the floor. He's still praising her. Hermione doesn't look much older then me.

Well anyway, Diary, I had better get changed and convince Zach to either get some food or move his butt up off of the floor. This is set to be fun sarcasm alert. I'll write to you later diary when I have time to. According to Albus, we have to be "sorted" before dinner and bed. Okay the sorted part is freaking me out. Sorted into what exactly? Oh man, I'm in way over my head here, Diary!

**A****nnabella Rivers**

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**Please Read and Review**

**Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ****♥**** Hands out virtual cookies ****♥**


	5. Annabella Discovers Ginny

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize…I only wish I did but all I own is Zachary James and Annabella Rivers.**

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**Dear Diary,**

Oh My Gosh. I am currently sitting in the library at Hogwarts writing to you, Diary, but I can't get HER off of my mind. Okay, I'll start at the beginning. Seems like a good idea, doesn't it? Okay so I was in the great hall for dinner and this freaky talking hat (called the sorting hat, I think) sorted me into a house I can't even pronounce. Gryffindor I think they called it. Anyways I sat at the house that was cheering for me. God, that felt good. And then I saw her. An absolutely gorgeous redhead sitting quietly between two boys who looked a lot like her. Maybe they're all related.

I don't care if they are but all I've been thinking about since then is HER. Okay enough with the capital letters. It's making me look like an idiot. Someday I'm gonna read this when I'm older and cringe at how dumb I sound. But she is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. She has long, crimson red hair that reflects the sun and turns it slightly brunette. Her is so straight, not a kink in sight. And her eyes, oh you could get lost in them. They are deep pools of chocolate brown that seem to light up when she laughs, talks, smiles, walks. She only glanced at me twice, but her eyes captivated me and I know I'm going to have trouble talking to her and not getting lost in her eyes.

Her skin is a pale, olive color but it highlights her beautiful eyes and her long, luscious hair. Her cute little freckles are scattered across her face, giving her that air of innocence that you usually see in little kids. Her smile could light up an entire room without even trying. She has dimples that give her an enchanting smile. And to think I never believed in miracles before. I'm always a sucker for dimples. Her laugh is like music to my ears. It lifts me up and I feel as though I'm flying. I probably looked like a jackass sitting there with a giant grin on my face. But I can't help it. She came up to my seat and asked another girl for something.

I vaguely detected a hint of sunscreen mixed with her perfume; a delightful combination of pink rose, white gardenias and vibrant blueberry. I think I may have had an out of body experience at that point, but I can't be sure. She flashed me a smile before walking back to the guys she was sitting with. I am so shocked that I didn't fall out of my seat and die at that point. My heart rate increased, I know that for sure. Oh my gosh, I just read over that last two paragraphs and realized how bad it sounds. I sound like a stalker. Except my name isn't Zoë and I'm not a nurse. Lillianne would be so pissed if she knew I had found another woman beautiful, even if it was just for a moment and even if we are broken up.

But seriously I sounded so preppy trying to talk to her. Damnit, I think we're in the same year. In other news, I was sorted and I have already seen the "common room". It's not much to look at; it looks like Santa chucked up all over it, what with all that red and gold. Anyway, SHE and I are in the same year and the same dormitory! Oh man, this is gonna be a tough year. Zach noticed me making eyes at her, so all evening he's been giggling and smooching up to her. I want him to choke and die. He's gonna be teasing me until the day I die for this, I know what he's like. Wait a second, someone's coming. I'll write to you later, Diary.

**Annabella Rivers**

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**Please Read and Review**

**Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ****♥****Hands out virtual cookies****♥**


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